Colca Canyon: Long Version

You know that show, "I shouldn't be alive" on the discovery channel about stupid hikers doing stupid things and almost dying?  I just had a real-life episode... so here goes.  It's long.  Get a cup of coffee and get comfortable, cuz there are a lot of words, more than a few sentence fragments and I'm pretty inconsistent with verb tenses, so be warned...


Day 1:

So I woke up around 4:30 in the AM to catch a bus from Arequipa to Colca Canyon.


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While waiting for the bus to start loading, I notice that there's this fellow with baggage that looks like everyone else's.  It has this checkered cloth wrapped around a box.  There's a stick poking out of one end then I realize that there's an animal's head poking out of the other.  It's a baby goat making all the goat noises and everything.  I start wondering to see if it goes underneath the bus with all the other baggage or if he brings it on the bus with him.

I get on my bus and notice the guy is standing next to my bus.  I see him load the goat with all the other luggage and then he stood there and waited for the bus to leave.  Fast forward to noon and I see the guy get his box-goat with everyone else's luggage and can only wonder if the box is shit and/or piss proof and am very glad that my bag was on the other side of the bus.

I re-organize some things in my pack and a fellow approaches me with a map and an ad for a hostel.  I ask him for directions and he points me past a bullfighting ring and a soccer field.  It looks about right so I follow his directions.  I find both and then after the soccer field, I see a path leading to the right.  I follow it and take in all of the scenery.  I don't doubt that it's deeper than the Grand Canyon, but the walls aren't as steep so it's not as dramatic.  Regardless, it's amazingly beautiful with the river and the mountains and the snow-capped volcanoes in the background.  I keep walking and then find myself on a rock.  I look down and realize that it's the end of a trail.  I look to my left and see a trail and a town.  I refer to my map and realize that the fellow was pointing me towards Llahuar, which isn't where I wanted to end up.  I look to my right and realize that's where I want to be.  I see the big trail that I'm supposed to be on to end up in Sangalle, where I wanted to go.  I look down and see a trail that could get me to the big trail I want to be on.

So I back track, keeping an eye on the promising trail and find a rock and small trail that seems to get me over to the promising trail.  It's all going fine, just taking in the view.  I keep going lower and getting closer to the big trail.  The weather's quite beautiful, sunny, barely a cloud in the sky.  A little warm, but it's just a great place to be hiking.  Then I find the trail leads to the edge of a cliff.  So I backtrack, take another trail that leads me lower and to another cliff.  This happens a couple more times and then I realize I might be lost.  I'd seen donkey crap all over the place so assumed this was a people trail where people brought their pack mules and what not.  The sun was going down  so I just put out my sleeping pad, got in my sleeping bag and went to sleep.  It was a beautiful night.  It was clear and the stars were out and just the sound of the river far below.  It was a little cold, but nothing out of the ordinary for a camping trip.

Day 2:


I wake up and watch the sun rise over the mountains and am ready to start the day.  I make up my mind that I'm not really gonna make it to where I want to be so I start heading back up.  After about two hours, I realize I'm completely lost.  It all starts to look the same, vertical walls between me and where I want to be.  So I just keep going until I can find a more accessible route to higher ground.  I hear the familiar hee-hawing of donkeys and think that it's a group with a guide and everything, but I just come across two wild donkeys.  They're staring at me like I'm an idiot and clearly not where I'm supposed to be.  And then I realize how utterly lost I am.

I keep walking but can't find an easy way up.  I don't see one and there's a narrow ledge between me and the next "real" trail.  So I cross it, grabbing on to rocks and branches and roots when I feel the ground beneath my feet give way.  I see my hat fly off.  Then my glasses.  Feel a bump or two on my head.  Sky.  Rocks.  Sky.  Rocks.

So I'm sitting there in a daze in a rock slide, maybe 50 feet from the edge?  I can't really tell.  I look down and there's some dried blood on my shirt mixed in with some fresh drops and I realize I'm still bleeding from my head.  I grab a shirt from my bag and slap it on my head to help slow the blood loss.  I grab my water and finish it off.  When I reclose the bag, it slides down closer to the edge.  I decide there's nothing of major importance in there, just clothes, sleeping bag, sleeping pad and a tent.  I realize my first aid kit is in there, but decide that's not worth the risk of falling, so I decide to leave it.

I make my way out of the rock slide and I think I was pretty confused cuz I just started walking.  Climbing over rocks, through prickly bushes and cactuses until I reach another dead end.  I see a spot that would be a good place to be if I thought there would be a helicopter rescue coming.  It's out in the open and I could probably signal the oasis where I want to be at night with my headlamp.  It's pretty exposed and I'm hot and thirsty and exhausted so I find what looks like a man-made wall to hide behind.

I think I see petroglyphs, but that may have just been hallucinations.  Dark thoughts start to enter my mind, but I try to fight them up.  I sat there for awhile, closing my eyes occasionally and wait for my energy to come back up.  I start running out of shade and walk around some more.  I go to the place that I'd seen before because now it's got some shade from the big rock in the middle.  It also has a cactus with some nice red plump fruit on it.  Using a rock to shave off the spines, I squeeze out the delicious sweet meat of the fruit for a nice dinner.  I try eating the leafy part, and realize that should have been dinner and the fruit should have been dessert.  But it seems like it's helping fight off dehydration, so I'm not ungrateful.  I find a flat place to lie down and hunker down for what I know will be a cold evening.

As soon as the sun sets, the temperature drops pretty quickly.  With only my fleece, a long sleeve shirt and pants, it's very obvious it will be a long night.  I try rubbing sticks together, but that just produces two smooth sticks and very little fire.  I keep doing it though, to keep my muscles warm.  I also turn my headlamp on, wave it around in hopes that someone below or above will see me.  I also bang out SOS with some rocks, hoping someone will hear me in the dead of night.  In between all of this, I lie down and close my eyes, thinking that might be it.  But every time, I wake up shivering and repeat the cycle in some shape or form until the sun finally comes up...

Day 3:


With a night of "rest" behind me and the sun bringing a new day, I spot a cactus with more fruit on it.  I'm beginning to fall in love with cacti.  With a renewed/false sense of hope, I decide I'm just going to climb rocks.  Go straight up until I can't do it anymore cuz it seems better than wandering around for a path that might not exist.  So I climb and walk and walk and climb and run into a wall that's just a bit higher than my energy allows.  So I find a shady spot, hunker down and let the dark thoughts work their way back in.  I eat some green berry things which seem promising.  A couple of dry heaves later and I'm back to lying there.  I think I take a bit of a nap cuz when I open my eyes, I'm ready to go again.

I return to the climbing and walking routine for some amount of time.  I have lost all concept of time at this point and the rest period are probably hours and the other parts are probably minutes.  I realize I have no energy and look for somewhere to relax.  I find a big rock casting a small shadow.  As I make my way up, the ground starts to fall out from underneath me.  I grab on to a bush and a rock and hold on for dear life as I claw with my feet to get up to safety.  I guess I had more energy than I thought since I made my way up to safety.  I sit there realizing just how close to the end I was.  My mouth was a desert and my limbs were jelly.  My face was numb and I was having trouble breathing.  But I was in the shade, so I had that going for me.

In my dehydration induced desperation, I grab a plant next to me because it looked like it was storing water just for me.  It had thorns which I rubbed off on a rock and started chowing down.  It had an odd waxy covering but there was some amount of moisture in it.  So I grabbed the next leaf(? branch?) and as I was chowing down, I noticed the waxy covering was just flaking off.  So before going to town on the next one, I scraped the waxy covering off after the thorns and worked out a pretty good system.  I felt like a million bucks after finishing off the entire plant and went back to the climbing and walking routine for quite some time.  While eating the plant, I recall my GRE tutor days when I had to go over this reading comprehension passage about creosote over and over again.  It described a desert plant that had a waxy covering and was quite juicy.  And something about how people used the covering for some purpose.  I guess I'm not very good at reading comprehension.  Anyways, I call the plant creosote and credit it for saving my life.

I get back into the climbing/walking routine and I thought I heard voices over the hill and scrambled up to find no one.  But I kept hearing voices, so I kept moving and moving.  Then I stopped, listened carefully, and the person's voice sounded shockingly familiar.  I look in my pocket and realize my camera was on.  Btw, the whole time, at each stop, I morbidly recorded what I thought would be my last words and I'd been chasing around my own voice.  After this little rush of excitement, I kept on walking and came across something more morbid.  I'm no Emily Deschanel, but they very well could have been human bones.  Or donkey bones. Regardless, it's clearly a bad place to be and I got out of there pretty fast.

I turn another corner and see the top, I think.  But in the way is a big patch of bushes and nothing which says it'll provide a comfortable night of "rest".  I see that the sun is about to go down, so I find somewhere to call home for the night.  I have nothing else to do, so I carve out a spot in the ground so that I'll have somewhere level and rock free to spend the night.  There are little bits of hay-like plants who's tops look like a shepherd's crook so I scatter those across my impromptu bed and am very pleased with myself.  When the sun goes down, I return to the light waving, SOS banging routine.  I try rubbing sticks together, but they are scarce in my new home so that routine gets played out pretty quickly.  Half-way through the night, I start digging a deeper bed to try and give myself a better shelter.  Turns out, the dirt beneath me has been absorbing my body heat.  So instead of light waving and SOS banging, I just lie there, wait for the cold to set in, dig and repeat.

Day 4:


By the time morning comes, I realize I've dug myself a shallow grave.  When this thought hits my mind, I fill it in and start walking.  I find another creosote bush and devour that, though this one isn't nearly as tasty.  I find a cactus with a fruit, but it was different from my prior encounters.  Whereas my previous meals came from cacti with flat leaves and round fruits (of the devil), this one had round "leaves" and round fruit.  The fruit tasted like kiwi but wasn't as juicy or sweet.  I managed to pry off one of the "leaves" and found the middle meaty part quite tasty.  With this breakfast in my stomach, I focused on the top.  One rock at a time.  Each rock was one less rock standing between me and the people I love.  That was the only thing keeping me going, just being able to see everyone that I loved one last time.

That and a Fanta.  Oddly, the whole time, I craved a Fanta.  I haven't had all that much Fanta down here.  Maybe twice.  But the thought of the orangey soda helped me go on.  Then I found a plant with berries.  They were sweet, not all that juicy but it was something.  Still low on energy, I decided to go after a cactus with no fruit.  The round "leaf" kind.  This one made me dry heave.  I got past it and kept climbing.  And climbing.  And climbing.  And corn fields.  Sweet beautiful farm land.  No more rocks to climb up.  No more cacti to crawl over.  Nothing between me and civilization.

Epliogue:

The first thing someone says to me that I can understand: "Sorry, I thought you were a local.  What happened to your face, man?" This was from a fellow hiker named Giovanni who was going to Llahuar, the place I was sort of on my way to.  I told him not to and what to avoid if he intended to.  I hope Giovanni's not stranded right now.

A nice lady in brightly colored indigenous garb led me to a store to buy water.  I ran out of energy and plopped myself down in front.  A crowd gathered and one of the gentlemen went to get the police.  I recounted my story in broken Spanish and tried to answer their questions.  Some French passersby aided the translation and everyone seemed in awe of my luck/bravery/stupidity.

The police came and helped me into their truck.  We stopped at a cafe where a local named Carlos helped translate the details for them.  The police then dropped me off at a medical clinic where they put 4 stitches in my knee and 3 in my head and gave me some pills to fight off infection.  I got a hotel room and some new clothes.  Spent a long time in the shower and spent a long time sleeping.  Ate some alpaca and called it a day.

The next morning, I got a bus ticket back to Arequipa and ate breakfast at Carlos' cafe.  He told me that he was talking to one of his friends who saw a light in the middle of nowhere on Monday night and thought it was a thief.  I could do nothing but laugh.

So ends the story.  I'm in Arequipa now at the Hostal Yunta Wasi where Pichin, the owner/propietor, is super nice.  He went with me to the hospital today where a doctor looked at some of my brain pictures and said everything was fine.  There's no fractures in my skull and my brain seems to be no more messed up than normal.

I was completely wrong in my last post when I thought I was too old for this trip to change my life.  Just like they say at the end of those shows, being so close to death makes you look at life in a whole new way.  It completely re-orders your priorities and what you thought was important before now looks trivial.  I'm just happy to be alive.